In Hindsight

"Perception of the significance and nature of events after they have occurred"...

As a parent, you always want to make the best decisions possible for your children. However, when a decision you make as a parent affects someone else's chid, you think, "maybe that decision wasn't the best or right decision after all".

Many of you know my household has been dealing with the chickenpox over the past three weeks (read about it here: "Cluck, Cluck, Cluck", Goes The Chicken), and P-man is currently on his sixth day of this miserable illness. He came down with it exactly 14 days after we first notice a blister on his brother. He has been handling it like any 13-month-old would...fussy, crying in pain, crying in discomfort, not sleeping, etc. At first, I thought he was getting a milder case compared to his brothers, he only had about 20 or so blisters for the first three days in, but it all changed on day 4 (the worst, and the peak of the illness). He currently has close to 500 give or so, with 70-100 located around his diaper area alone. The pox are starting to finally cloud and crust, so we are definitely on the up and up. While dealing with a baby miserable with the chickenpox, Jess and I are extremely grateful both our children didn't suffer any complications.

As I stated earlier, when a decision you make as a parent affects someone else's child, you wish you could rewind the clock and change that particular decision. After being misdiagnosed (I'm still undecided if I want to go there), W ended up exposing a few of our friend's children. I knew there was a 90% chance of one if not all of them coming down with chickepox, and of course made phone calls to all the parents of children we came into contact with over those few days. This past Wednesday, I got a phone call from one of my closest friends here, her 7 month-old had come down with the chickenpox. Of course, I felt horrible, blaming myself, blaming the doctors who misdiagnosed W, and was praying nothing bad would happen. See, not only was this baby under 12 months of age, but also suffers from eczema. A child or baby who has both chickenpox and eczema can mean not only more spots (sometimes over 1,000), but added complications.

Over the weekend, the baby was admitted to a local children's hospital with a high fever, dehydration, and possible pneumonia. I had know clue what to do, what to say, what to think, but I did know who to blame, myself. I never stopped praying. I prayed for healing, prayed for guidance, prayed for forgiveness, prayed for my continuing friendship with the baby's mother, etc. I constantly checked in, and was happy to hear the baby was doing better. He was responding better to the medicine, and was finally able to intake liquids. He is now home from the hospital, and doing better.

My decision to not vaccinate my children against varicella put a lot of strain on not only myself and children, but my friend, her family, and most importantly her baby. I've never been one to bring up debatable topics, especially on a public blog, but feel it's only necessary.

Back when W was 12 months-old, the MMR was still in a hot debate, did or did it not cause autism? With what we knew then, we knew the best decision was to hold off on that particular vaccine until W was 18 months of age. Another decision, the varicella vaccine, was it truly necessary? Isn't the Chickenpox a pretty harmless (yet miserable) illness? With the advice from our pediatrician at the time, we choose not to vaccinate W, knowing 100% he would receive natural immunity by getting the chickenpox the old fashioned way. This pediatrician didn't have a lot of faith in this vaccine, and said there really wasn't any proof on how long this vaccine would protect against varicella, or if it would at all (there is only an 85%-95% of 100% protection).

In hindsight, I would have changed our decision, the decision to vaccinate against the chickenpox. I know there are a lot of people out there against vaccinations due to toxicity, autism, etc. My question to all of you is, are you prepared to handle not only your child's illness, but the other's who become sick with something that could have been prevented with a vaccine? In this case, all the children who were age appropriate to receive the varicella vaccine were vaccinated, but the babies (under 12 months of age) were not. W exposed (again not purposely, was misdiagnosed) three babies under 12-months of age, and one of those babies who came down with chickenpox ended up in the hospital.

The purpose of this blog wasn't to point fingers, or to say those who vaccinate/don't vaccinate are bad people, but to spread awareness as to why vaccines are important. They were developed for a reason, to potentially save people from not only suffering through/developing major complications from certain diseases, but to save their lives. Not only could I have saved my babies from being extremely miserable for 7+ days, but could have spared those 7 miserable and nerve wracking days from my friend and her child.

**Please respect my opinion regarding this topic, I do respect yours.**

"Cluck, Cluck, Cluck", Goes the Chicken

W came down with chickenpox on Friday and was actually misdiagnosed by two different doctors in the pediatric clinic on base...well they were "residents" with no supervisors (another story for a different day). They HAD diagnosed him with Molluscum, and told us he was definitely NOT contagious. He had three spots around his ear, and about six on his torso and back. The reason we went to the Dr.'s in the first place was to rule out chickenpox, or anything else contagious, because we had a weekend filled with being around other kids. Of course, W attended a birthday party and a BBQ where there were three babies ranging from 6 months to 11 months. He woke up Sunday morning covered all over his face and more were popping up on his torso and back. I knew right away the Doctor's were wrong, so Jess headed to Children's hospital to get the correct diagnoses, especially proof for his medical records. See, we never vaccinated W for the chickenpox (no debate, please), because of the research involved. I'm a prime example of why the vaccine isn't 100% proof. I was given the chickenpox titer when I was pregnant with P-MAN and found out on Friday that my titer came back at .67 and you need at least a 1.0 to be positive (or immune to chickenpox). So, with my vaccination, exposure to my sister, and at daycare, I'm still not 100% immune, according to this titer. Anyway, getting back to why we didn't vaccinate W. The fact that the vaccine is only 85-95% effective against the pox, I knew with him catching the actual virus was the only way he could gain 100% natural immunity (if adult males get the chicken pox past 15 years of age, there is a very good chance they will become sterile).

We finally received the correct diagnoses on Sunday via ER doctor, and of course I started feeling extremely guilty. I could not believe I exposed all those people. It broke my heart to make all those phone calls to my friends to let them know they were exposed to W's chickenpox. It's definitely been a miserable ride for both him and myself. Part of me wishes he was vaccinated, and part of me wonders if he would have caught the pox anyway. I hate seeing my children miserable, and knowing P-man is next is heartbreaking. W has a pretty good case, but I wouldn't call it severe. He's been running a low grade fever, and only blistered on his face, back, stomach, and only few were located on his arms and legs. He has definitely been good about it. It really only has been rough at night (when he itches the most). I've been keeping calamine lotion on him and giving him tons of oatmeal baths. The ER doc also prescribed him with a pretty strong antihistamine. Today, he started showing signs of clouding, scabbing, etc, so he should be good to go by Saturday at the latest. We have a follow-up appointment on Friday with his nurse practitioner to get the okay to attend soccer practice on Saturday. I just want to make sure he is 100% scabbed over, because I guess I can't trust my motherly instincts, especially after this past weekend.

For me, I'm waiting it out too. Part of me hopes and pray that I have a natural immunity, and the titer didn't pick that up, or the titer was 100% wrong! I went to my doctor yesterday morning to let them know I have been exposed, I showed him my vaccination records from where I received the vaccine twice in 1998. He said there was no reason to be re-vaccinated, and told me he will put me on five days worth of an antiviral. I have to take 4 pills, 5 times a day, for 5 days. I really am hoping and crossing my fingers this will actually prevent me from getting the chickenpox, or only give me a very mild case. I've been an anxious wreck since Sunday, because everything I have been reading about adult chickenpox said only 5% of adults come down with chickenpox, and out of that 5%, 35% of those die. I have a pretty good immune system, as I was vomited on twice by both boys, and have been exposed to their stomach bug and never came down with it. I just hope the antiviral works!!!!!!!!!

Please keep us in our prayers. I know this is something I CHOSE, because I didn't vaccinate my boys against the chickenpox. However, there is a huge part of me that regrets that. I honestly feel like I totally deserve the bad mommy award, but at least I know they will both be immune for the rest of their lives. I just can't wait until this month is over, because it's going to continue to be a bumpy one. The incubation period is 14-21 days, so we'll probably have a week break between kiddos and myself if I come down with it.

"Cluck, Cluck, Cluck", goes the chicken, and make sure the door doesn't hit you on the way out!!!!!!